I recently presented to women in a technology company on being free from common mind traps. I have a framework I created called the 5 "traps" we often find ourselves in, and two were by far the most common for this group: the judge and the worrier.
No doubt you, too, know these voices well. Most of us encounter them at times, if not often.
Here's my current approach on interacting with these voices:
Get to know them.
Allow them - if you make them wrong, they fight back.
I'm known for saying, feel the feelings, just don't live there.
Noticing non-judgmentally is not only for serious meditators; it's available to all of us.
Get a little distance from "it" - the critic or the anxiousness - by seeing that they are thoughts that come and go. Don't own it. Language is powerful here: " I had a worrisome thought," is different from "I have anxiety." Try it for yourself.
Understand that part of being human is that the judge and the worrier will creep in, sometimes when we least expect to hear from them. Sometimes, after many years laying dormant.
And, the malleability of the brain means you do not have to be subject to their strong influence forever.
Through dedicated attention, just like if you were building presentation skills or learning an instrument, you can strengthen other kinder voices and allow the judge and worrier to fall by the wayside.
Don't be fooled as I was. I thought, this is what I DO for a living, I've got this. HA. I wasn't doing the work back then.
There is no way around it. You've got to do the work if you want to see change.
Oh, two more thoughts that I shared in the recent program.
If the judge is a common trap for you, try really intensely being self-compassionate. And if perfectionism is the form it takes, lean into uncertainty. Embracing the unknown allows the need for things to be a certain way to drop away.
If the worrier grabs you in its trap, ask yourself, am I in the past or the future in my mind? Then get present. Use breathe, your senses and/or gratitude to do so.
If you're ready to truly step into your power, and do the work on shifting your mindset to grow your business or your career, let's have a conversation. There's a lot more to coaching than mindset work, but that's always a piece of it. Real, lasting change occurs from the inside out. :)
To your peace,
In 30 years working in human development, I’ve worked with thousands of people who’ve held themselves back, and guided them to build their internal power, confidence, and success; to learn that self-care does not equate with selfishness, that striving for more does not mean striving for perfection, and to discover and live a life by design, not by accident.
The biggest gift you can give yourself is personal development and self-love, and when you work on yourself to know and love who you are, imperfections and all, to develop your natural strengths and gifts, you will truly shine from the inside out.
What I’ve seen is that walking the tightrope between driving yourself and loving yourself is harder than it looks. And real success doesn't happen as you juggle "all the things." It happens when you stop perpetuating a cycle of over-responsibility and allow a little breathing room to build your life around what truly lights you up.
Taking courageous steps, setting clear, consistent boundaries, living into your dreams, and seeing and believing in who you truly are can help you build more success. BONUS: You’ll influence younger generations of women who’re watching.
Working with me will allow you to stretch yourself, find creative solutions, new perspectives, and grow more than you thought possible.
Whenever you are ready to take your growth and success to the next level, here are 4 ways to work with me:
1. Unleash your Leadership Style. A four-month 1:1/group coaching program for driven women with a track record of success who are expanding their leadership and putting the kibosh on thinking patterns and habits that disrupt their progress.
EMAIL ME FOR 2023 PROGRAM INFO, or go here: www.ellielanecoaching.com/women'sself-leadershipprogram
2. Use the Enneagram as your personal development map. I'm now offering stand-alone sessions. The Enneagram is a profound tool for looking at how you think, act, and feel, and a true guide with many strategies for growth. Learn more here: www.Integrative9.com
3.1:1 coaching. Tailored plans for individual needs/goals. 3 - 12-month engagements.
4. Thinking partnership. Do you have a business idea, a project, or an idea? Do you want to strategize, brainstorm? This is not coaching - it's focused and short-term, a space to work out your next big life shift.
Interested in any of the above, email me: [email protected]
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