The Three Types of People You Need in Your Tribe
“You are truly home only when you find your tribe.” – Srividya Srinivasan
Tribes are not a new concept, though. In fact, it’s how we humans used to live. We are now realizing the importance of coming back to the tribe mentality, of allowing it to pull us together, rather than keep ourselves separate.
For a long time, we seemed to believe that it was every man for his damn self and that we couldn’t really trust anyone else to have our backs. That has, thankfully, changed as we have begun to realize the importance of what our ancestors already knew. Tribes are where it’s at.
They give us camaraderie, support, inspiration. But we need to be careful about who we allow into our tribe. Yes, you can create your tribe. In fact, it happens by default if you aren’t careful.
There are many types of people you need to keep out of or remove from your tribe: negative asshats, the haters, and the takers, to start with.
Instead of focusing solely on who to keep out of your tribe, however, you should place most of your focus on who to keep IN your tribe.
The three types of people you need in your tribe are:
People you trust implicitly.
These people provide the solid foundation upon which you build your life. They’ve never given you any reason to doubt their loyalty to you, and you know they never will. There isn’t any part of you that doubts that. You are also undyingly loyal to them. You have each other’s backs, yo.
People in your village who have once betrayed you.
These are the peeps who have betrayed you in the past. Yes, I said betrayed you in the past. Listen, these people keep you on your toes. These people are in your tribe, but you keep them in a different village.
To be clear, I’m not talking about the people whose betrayal was so hideous you just cannot be near them. Nor am I speaking about the people who haven’t tried to make sincere amends for their behavior.
I’m referring to the people who have done you wrong, but who has also done everything in their power to make things right. Not only do these people teach you how to maintain proper boundaries, but they show you how to begin trusting YOURSELF again. Once you’ve trusted someone who betrays you, your faith in trusting yourself is shaken. Learning to forgive (which is for you, not them), and recognize that we all make mistakes is a fantastic step toward beginning to trust yourself again.
People you give to without expectation of getting anything in return.
You give value to these people because that’s what you are — a value-giver. You provide inspiration, guidance, support. You get value from others in your tribe, and most likely these people, too. But these are the people you intentionally give value to because they need the kind of value you offer.
You would do yourself a solid to keep these types of people in mind as you make conscious choices about who you allow into your tribe. Be mindful about this.
Your vibe may attract your tribe, but your tribe also determines your vibe. If you want to keep high vibes going, make deliberate choices about who you allow being near you.
With Love, Melissa
Melissa is a Mom to three precocious children, ages 18, 13, and 7. She has survived and successfully navigated divorcing a toxic husband and some of the trickiest parenting scenarios (including learning disabilities, deciding to
I’ve gone from living in my own personal hell to creating a life I thoroughly adore experiencing. And it just keeps getting better.
I use the same principles I used to be successful and get what I truly want with my clients, and their transformations are insanely powerful.
I love to dance, sing super crazy loud (alone in the car only because people I love can hear), bake cookies, run half-marathons, lift weights, and laugh with my kids.
I know what it’s like to question my own strength … and then to show myself how strong I really am. I’m passionate about helping others recognize their own amazing power.
If you want to stop experiencing toxic relationships, toxic situations, toxic thought patterns,
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Melissa holds a B.A. in English and Sociology, an M.S. in Psychology with a specialty in Leadership Development and Coaching, and an M.S. in Marketing. Melissa has also been a paralegal and a public school educator. She has worked at one of the top New Hampshire law firms and was on the Board of Trustees at an innovative charter school in Massachusetts. In addition to her coaching, she also works as a Behavior Interventionist. Melissa has been published on several well-known websites, including Elephant Journal and Positively Positive, is a contributor to The Huffington Post, is a columnist for The Good Men Project and was published in Chicken Soup for the Soul: Think Possible.